Dishonest Harmony

Keeping the Peace Can Keep You Stuck in Toxic Bullshit

✨Affirmation of the Day is..✨

“I choose honest discomfort over fake peace every single time.”

Ok…. Dead ass PAUSE.

Like this post. Click the heart.

You’re gonna like it. If you don’t just unlike it later.

So we’ve all been there.. sitting around friends, family, or coworkers, biting our tongues, nodding along like shit is sweet to keep things smooth. That shit is not harmony that’s emotional fraud. It’s dishonest harmony, and it comes at a high-ass cost to your integrity and sanity. I’m somebody who naturally gravitates toward genuine connection, honesty, and authenticity. People gravitate toward me with that same energy.. typically. Maintaining the same vibe and keeping peace among my crew matters deeply to me. But harmony doesn't mean silencing my truth or smiling through disrespect just so nobody else feels uncomfortable. Damn that. My energy is too precious to sacrifice on altars of fake peace.

I’ve been in spaces where everyone’s "getting along," but lying to/abandoning themselves, low-key swallowing discomfort, anger, or disappointment. Friends letting wild-ass behavior slide, coworkers ignoring disrespectful remarks, folks acting blind to red flags waving right in front of their faces, for the sake of saving face or "keeping the peace in public." But chill isn’t chill if it's rooted in avoidance. If you are being honest with yourself and others, it’s steeped in toxicity.

Research & Stats That Will Make This Make Sense:

• A 2020 survey from Harvard Business Review shows that workplaces (and friend groups, honestly) where people avoid difficult conversations have significantly higher stress levels, dissatisfaction, and emotional burnout.

• Psychology Today highlights that consistent avoidance of conflict creates emotional dishonesty and erodes trust over time, turning small issues into major resentment.

• According to the Gottman Institute, suppressed feelings or "dishonest harmony" lead to increased anxiety, decreased intimacy, and ultimately, relationship deterioration.

How You Can Stop Being Faaaaaaaake 🤪:

1. Speak the Fuck Up (Respectfully)

   • If something’s bothering you, name it directly and clearly. Example: "Hey, I love y’all, but the way we’ve been brushing off certain behaviors isn’t sitting right with me. Do we have the capacity to unpack this right now? If not now, can we come back in 10 mins?"

2. Create Space for Real Dialogue

   • Normalize regular check-ins: "Y’all, let’s pause for a second, how are we actually feeling about this?"

3. Set Boundaries Like You Mean It

   • Make clear what you won’t tolerate. “I can’t hang out with energy that’s disrespectful or dismissive. If we can’t have honest conversations, I’m gonna have to dismiss myself.”

4. Hold People (Including Yourself) Accountable

   • Gently but firmly challenge harmful actions: “With love, you know I fuck with you, but that thing you did didnt sit right with me at all. Do we have the capacity to unpack this right now? If not now, can we come back in 10 mins?”

5. Stop Gaslighting Yourself

   • If your gut says something is off, trust it. Don’t minimize your feelings for group harmony. Fuck that seriously. Discernment is showing up for a reason, and it’s always best to honor what your discernment is bringing to your attention. So we have to stop ignoring it and acknowledge what’s happening in the moment for others, but most importantly, yourself.

Here’s Some Journal Prompts:

• When have I tolerated disrespect just to avoid conflict?

• What am I afraid will happen if I speak up honestly?

• Who in my life genuinely values honest harmony, and who just wants silence?

• How would my relationships improve if I stopped holding my tongue?

---

Final Thought:

Choosing harmony at the expense of honesty isnt doing anyone a fuckin favor, it’s self-betrayal. Real relationships and healthy groups thrive on transparency, authenticity, and courage to speak truth, even when it's uncomfortable as hell. Let’s normalize uncomfortable honesty and ditch this toxic-ass charade of "getting along to get along" Because real peace will never ask you to coddle your friends and what they have going on or silence your truth because it’s uncomfortable..

xoxoxoxo

-K

S.N. If you made it this far like sumn, comment and repost if you feel it in ya spirit… that shit is FREE. Inspire a bish to continue...😊